I’ve been back in the routine of the States and of New Jersey for a couple of weeks now and I wish for many different things. Maybe to not necessarily return to Australia (although maybe taste a tim-tam one last time?) but to achieve happiness with where I currently am.
I woke up every single day in Sydney happy to be who I am and happy knowing what I’ve done. I was happy knowing that traveling is no longer an unachievable thing. I was happy not having to merely get through the day but enjoy the day. I wake up every day here dreading going back to work and a job that is aptly named. I’m lacking passion and caring for anything other than how it’s affecting me.
“You get a strange feeling when you’re about to leave a place…like you’ll not only miss the people you love but you’ll miss the person you are now at this time, and this place, because you’ll never be this way ever again.”
I caught a glimpse of myself having a fervency for life in a way I never had before and to let it go was as heartbreaking as it was not seeing my family’s faces in four months. Life back home is different and I didn’t know life until I lost myself somewhere that made me uncomfortable yet jubilant or scared yet brave. To those who say, “you don’t know a good thing until it’s gone,” I say: I knew every minute in Australia was the happiest I’d been and I was no longer content with life but living it to the best way a 20 year old knew how.
More to come from New Jersey,
Mariana
Mariana 